Jehovah was not in the wind. And after the wind, an earthquake: Jehovah was not in the earthquake.
And after the earthquake, a fire: Jehovah was not in the fire. And after the fire, a soft gentle voice. (1Kings 19:11-12)

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Trusting God {One Thing Our Marriages Desperately Need Today ~~ A Husband's Heartfelt Words as His Wife's Heart was Weak—for #HeartMonth.}

{To read Part 1, the beginning of the series:

My surgery was on a Friday afternoon.

Family and a few friends came in to visit over the week-end of which I have no memory. It was decided that it would be too traumatic for our youngest two children to see their Mama in such a fragile state and so only our eldest came in for a very brief visit. Apparently the conversations that weekend in my cardiovascular ICU room were hushed tones of humbled prayers mingled with some laughter and talk of my nicely pedicured toenails. 

I recall having to get up out of bed and being told to cough even though it was painful. The nurses reminded me to pump the controller in my palm for the pain medication and then an inner battle ensued: my fear of becoming addicted to the medication to incessantly pumping it because the pain in my sternum was so intense (which is why the pain medication is capped at a safe amount).

I woke up from surgery with anxiety that I had never experienced in my life before. I had no idea where I was: it was dark—except for lights coming from the computer and monitors, I was alone and terrified and repeatedly cried out for help. Eventually my nurse appeared and told me to calm down and gave me the roughest, coldest sponge bath I have ever had, but it was a relief from the heat in the room and made me fully aware that I was alive.

Between all the medications, the trauma that my body had endured, elevated levels of carbon dioxide in my blood, exhaustion, and ICU psychosis I experienced hallucinations and delusions so vibrant that made distinguishing reality from the hallucinations and delusions extremely difficult. I would "see" bugs crawling and red dots everywhere, and my youngest daughter sitting at the end of my bed with her arms reaching out for me and I would respond to her only to realize I was "seeing things" again. 

My parents devoted their time and energy to help care for me at the hospital and were a comfort for me as well as Jon. My siblings and their families all lovingly looked after our children as many others generously provided for Jon to be able to get a few hours sleep in a hotel close to the hospital.

We were about to begin a part of this journey that we did not prepare ourselves for other than having totally submitting ourselves to the ways and work of God in our lives. 

It was a terrifying time for both of us. God was calling us to trust Him in a way that would further deepen our faith in Him. Our fears were legitimate and the only way to combat the fear was to rest fully in the presence and protection of our God.

Jon found some quiet minutes amidst the beeps of monitors and IV pumps to share a few words—these were the first of over 10, 000 words he would send from his iPhone —on September 1st, the holiday Monday:
Rebekah is stable today. 
She is having a fair bit of discomfort because she is more alert. Her vision is better today.  
Her heart rate is at 133 still high but better than parts of yesterday. It elevates quickly with movement and exercise or coughing. 
Her draining is going well and they hope to take some of her chest tubes out today and get her moving around more once they speak with Dr. David. This is likely a source of a lot of her pain. 
Her heart blood pressure is in the 90's. She is looking better today. Still on drugs to support right side of her heart. I want to know more about that issue. 
My overall feeling is that she is slowly improving. 
Trusting God.


This is part 2 of a new series:
One Thing Our Marriages Desperately Need Today ~~ A Husband's Heartfelt Words as His Wife's Heart was Weak
{for #HeartMonth.}

You can read Part 1, the beginning of the series here.

Next in the series, Part 3 is here.

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