The Writer’s Greatest Hurdle {Day 11}

I sat bolt upright in bed when I read this by Ruth Vaughn, 'Write to Discover Yourself' and had to catch my breath:

“For the greatest hurdle a beginning writer must overcome is the one he sets for himself: perfection.”

Yes, that’s it! It raises its ugly head even in my writing!

Perfectionism freezes my fingers and stifles my spirit.

I remember this in writing in my journal for high school English teachers. I was so concerned that my grammar, handwriting, and spelling were correct I crushed any hope of creativity.

I could write a research paper and usually give exactly what was expected in college, but when I came across some of these essays when unpacking in recent years I realized how uncreative they were!

It is still my struggle.

Yet, as I scratch away in journals because I find that I need to write to spill out inner struggles and thoughts and emotions, I see I have begun to do what I read here:

“My challenge to you is to approach the diary/Journal as your best friend in the world. You can pour out things here you might not dare to say to anyone else . . . Just pound out whatever comes to mind as quickly as you can. And the more you write, the better: the more release it will give you; the more insight it will provide; the more accurate will be the record when you come back later to reread and learn from it truths that will enrich self-understanding and that you may be able to share with others.”

~Ruth Vaughn, 'Write to Discover Yourself'

This is part of a series, linking up with Nester, for the month of October.

You will find the rest of the series, Write to Discover Yourself: My Story His Glory, here. 

It is a series of posts of sharing what I am learning in Ruth Vaughn’s book, 'Write to Discover Yourself'.

Strength for the Battle {Day 10}

Right after Thanksgiving our morning blows to pieces! I think I am going crazy for half the morning. It is like pulling teeth to get my children to do anything. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

Lessons partly finished.

Some not even started.

Just before lunch everything crumbles. I say I am not doing this anymore! If things don’t change around here by the end of this week, then we will be signing up at the local school. I wasn’t going to say that this year, but the words tumble out before I choose a soft answer to turn away wrath.

We chat over lunch.

I ask them what they think we should do.

My boy thinks we should have a family prayer meeting.

He prays, “Help us to find our joy, our kindness, our love that comes only from you.”

My daughter prays more for her mom than her own attitude, I think. ‘Help us not to raise our voices.” I had just determined a few hours before that I would keep a calm voice.  I was told last week that I most likely have Irritable Larynx Syndrome. I looked up what I could do to minimize the symptoms and one of the things I read was: Avoid shouting/yelling. Do not raise your voice louder than normal conversational loudness.

I really didn't yell; it hurts too much, but it wasn’t exactly normal conversational loudness. It sure wasn't the tongue of the wise, anyway.

I wonder about my expectations and my own example! I recognize my own short-coming and failures and sin.

I tell them we are responsible for our own response regardless of others’ actions. This comes blaring back at me! Ouch!

I think on the verse “The joy of the Lord is my strength” as my sons prays for joy.
I pray that the Spirit will strengthen us to live in ways that honour God. It is beyond me. I need to be empowered by the Holy Spirit. To be filled with Him.

We get up from the table – the kids take off for some much needed fresh air. I retreat and read that I am not alone in this battle!

As my I turn out the lights for night, I tell my husband how I have blown it. I tell him how I have apologized and I am thankful for forgiveness and grace.

He reminds me tomorrow is a new day . . .



It is just after lunch on this new day. Just after we have arranged to go for a walk with our neighbour, that I get another call from the cardiologist. He has the results from the tests I had done last week.
I search for a piece of paper and a pen to jot down what he is about to tell me.




He tells me that my aortic valve is very narrow. A normal valve area should be between 2-3 and mine is about 0.7-0.8.  I have done enough research to know this is not good.

I sit down on my bed.

He tells me normally the best thing would be to fix the valve, but in my case this is not an easy decision.

The fact that I only have one functioning lung because of the treatment I had from when I was ill with pediatric cancer. The fact that I am only 36. The fact that replaced valves don’t really last that long: 15 years tops. These things only complicate how they should proceed.

He tells me that he is not confident that doing surgery to fix the valve will alleviate my symptoms, but that my valve is only going to get worse. He says it should be done sooner than later.

I am to meet with a cardiovascular surgeon and have some more tests to determine where we go from here. I have been pacing the floor now, trying to take it all in, trying to ask the questions that I know I will have as soon as I hang up the phone.

He apologizes for having to tell me this. I thank him for carefully looking into everything.

I hang up.

Another call had come in as I was talking to the doctor. I call back the number that rang in. It is a lady from Church to ask me how I am doing, to tell me that she prays for me everyday just like I am family.
I finally let the tears fall. I haven’t had any time to process what I have just been told and she is the first one to give me a listening ear. She tells me God is using me in this.

I agree, God uses the weak.

I go for that walk with my neighbour and pour out my heart news to her.

She wonders how I can be so calm. I tell her I know that God is in control.


I know I can only go from here because, like the preacher said on Sunday, the antidote to fear is the assurance of God’s presence and protection.



Dinner is in the oven and I find myself pulling out ingredients to make a cake for desert. Maybe, I am   looking for a reason to celebrate. 

While the cake is baking, my neighbour sends me an email telling me that she was so glad we could go for that walk and that I am an incredibly strong person. 



The truth is that the Lord is my strength. 

When I am weak then He is strong.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

This is part of a series, linking up with Nester, for the month of October.

You will find the rest of the series, Write to Discover Yourself: My Story His Glory, here. 

It is a series of posts of sharing what I am learning in Ruth Vaughn’s book, 'Write to Discover Yourself'.

Recording Life {Day 9}

I journaled throughout my teen years right up until I got engaged. 

I found my old journals and read what I have wrestled through. I was shocked at some of the things I wrote. Some of it was boring, some of it was detailed, and some was my heart bleeding through.

I don’t know why I stopped journaling. I think I just got busy planning a wedding, getting married, working and beginning a family. Then those early years of motherhood were just plain overwhelming!

I regret not journaling through the early years of motherhood. I kept a calendar for my babies first years, but it didn’t capture my inner thoughts and emotions.

But, life started choking me and I found an empty journal a few years ago and found myself needing to spill out my anxious thoughts.

It is not easy. I have so much to learn about journaling, but I know it helps to scrawl it all out.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your heart before him;

God is a refuge for us. Selah

Psalm 62:8

This is part of a series, linking up with Nester, for the month of October.

You will find the rest of the series, Write to Discover Yourself: My Story His Glory, here. 

It is a series of posts of sharing what I am learning in Ruth Vaughn’s book, 'Write to Discover Yourself'.

Giving Thanks {Day 8}

A song we sang this week end. A wonderful time of year: Thanksgiving

We have so much to give thanks for. We need to open our eyes and see!!

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,

And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;

Count your many blessings - wealth can never buy

Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged, God is over all;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Johnson Oatman, Jr.

On a Journey to Know Who You Are {Day 6}

This is part of a series, linking up with Nester, for the month of October.

You will find the rest of the series, Write to Discover Yourself: My Story His Glory, here. 

It is a series of posts of sharing what I am learning in Ruth Vaughn’s book, 'Write to Discover Yourself'.

Write as a Service for Others {Day 5}

I was smack dab in the middle of the 5th largest city in North America.

I am a small-town kind of girl.

I had to go to the city for a few days for some medical appointments and since it was our anniversary we made a get-away of it.

The time away from regular routines was refreshing and the time my husband and I had together was so special. We were off on a grand adventure together totally out of our element. 

Good times!!

Live theatre.

Hot dog stands.

Fine dining.

Book stores.

Art gallery.

Wandering through shops.

Coffee.

Late night milkshakes and ice cream.

Oh yeah, and hospitals.

I saw more people in those few days than I will probably see over the next month!

Sitting watching people, I thought about how big this world really is and yet how small we are at the same time.

There were just so many people. They all have their own stories. Why be silly enough to think mine even matters?

I felt like quitting this 31 days thing. Why bother?

Does my story really matter? Who am I in this sea of people?

But, I don’t just write to discover myself. It is not only that I have an amazing opportunity to worship God with my words. I also do bless others when I am brave enough {crazy, maybe} to put my thoughts and experiences down in print.

In the Old Testament, the Israelites were told to pass down their experiences, the commandments and testimonies of the Lord God to the next generation. In order that they would not forget all that God had done for them. When they forgot what God had done for them it led to pride and pride led to idolatry.

When I write down what the Lord has done in my life I leave a testimony for those who come after me. The recollecting causes me to reflect on what God has done for me. He is sovereign. My story is really just a little story that contributes to the bigger story. It is really His story and it is for His glory. Yet, others may be blessed and encouraged by it. Maybe it will be read by one or millions. It doesn’t really matter.

“I am convinced that writing creatively is a beautiful and powerful service for others. Through sharing laughter and tears, sunshine and storm, hilarity and heartthrob, from one’s personal experience, we give our finest gift to those who touch our lives.”

“[Creative writing] can be your most vital, viable way of saying: ‘I care about you!’ ‘Let’s heartshare!’ ‘Learn from me!’ ‘I LOVE YOU!’”

~Ruth Vaughn, 'Write to Discover Yourself'

This is part of a series, linking up with Nester, for the month of October.

You will find the rest of the series, Write to Discover Yourself: My Story His Glory, here. 

It is a series of posts of sharing what I am learning in Ruth Vaughn’s book, 'Write to Discover Yourself'.

31 Days ~ Write as Worship to God {Day 4}

In the study notes for Psalm 111 in my Bible I read, ”This is the goal of redemption, to renew the image of God in human beings.”

As one who has been redeemed by the blood of the perfect Lamb of God, I have an amazing privilege and opportunity to offer up my words to the Creator God who spoke all things into existence.

As one who has been made in the image of a creative God should I not use the creativity God has given me to bring glory to Him alone?

When I pour out my heart to Him, to the one who is the Word, and live out my life, the way I have been created to be – in the image of God – He is glorified.

"I am convinced that writing creatively is a beautiful and 
effective worship for one’s God . . . Reeling out emotions, tangibly grappling, in words, with logic, searching to articulate personal faith enables a foundation of realism to be built which will hold firmly through all of life. And certainly, as did the Psalmist David, writing creatively our praises, our pleadings, our petitions to God enhance our worship and our trust. When the God/man dialogue is captured in black and white, the writer is able to add a dimension to his relationship with his God.”

~Ruth Vaughn, Write to Discover Yourself

This is part of a series, linking up with Nester, for the month of October.

You will find the rest of the series, Write to Discover Yourself: My Story His Glory, here. 

It is a series of posts of sharing what I am learning in Ruth Vaughn’s book, 'Write to Discover Yourself'.