I was getting ready to go on a hike on the Niagara Escarpment. When I hung up the phone I cried out to the Lord.
Then I wondered if I should go on that hike.
As soon as I had picked up the phone and the secretary asked if I could hold on because the Cardiologist would like to talk to me I knew it couldn't possibly be good news.
I had just been to see him the week before - in a cardiac clinic in Toronto. He wasn't really sure what to do with me. He didn't really like the missing information on the written reports of the tests I have already had. There was no way he would proceed with anything based on those reports. From what he could see he wasn't so sure it was even as bad as the report indicated. He wanted to see the actual imaging of my heart on the latest test done. I told him I would do my best to get it from the hospital.
A few days later the images were burned onto a CD and sent to Toronto.
He watched the images and had other doctors view them as well and he called to tell me what he saw.
Getting straight to the point he shared with me that what he saw on the images did not match what was on the written report he had received. He told me he saw a number of problems. From what he could see, not only was my aortic valve not normal, neither was my mitral valve and I had a subaortic membrane. What complicates it is my petite size and the fact that I only have one functioning lung. He referred me to a Respirologist as well.
The week before, in his office, he felt that surgery was too risky at this point to fix anything. And even if they did do surgery he was not sure that it would be of any real benefit at this point. And it would guarantee more surgery in the future ~ once they replace a valve it will only last for so long.
He tells me on a Tuesday afternoon that I don't fit the standard and that we need to stay on top of all this.
It leaves me, once again, with more questions than answers.
Waiting.
Fighting fears.
In the waiting I read of King Asa, a king of Judah, who "did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord his God". He took away foreign alters and commanded Judah to seek the Lord. The Lord granted him peace and rest. He prospered and the Lord fought on his behalf.
God promised him, "The LORD is with you while you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you."
He gathered his people together "And they entered into a covenant to seek the LORD, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and with all their soul,
(2Ch 15:12)
He even had his own mother removed from being queen because she had made a detestable image.
Yet, near the end of his reign he turned to the King of Syria when he was threatened. Because of his foolishness of not relying on the Lord, the rest he had known was ended.
Then, we read that in his thirty-ninth year of his reign,
"Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the Lord, but sought help from physicians."
The word seek here refers specifically to worship. But he turned to men who mend, not to Jehovah ~ the Lord who heals.
He died two years later.
Asa was remembered as a good king, but in moments of difficulties he turned to man and not the One who promised to bring rest and peace. He had entered a covenant to seek the LORD and whoever did not seek Him would be put to death.
Seeking the help of the physicians was not his problem it was that He did not seek the Lord.
To put anything before the Lord is idolatry.
Who do we turn to when difficult circumstances come into our lives?
May it be that we would seek:
Jehovah Jireh ~ the Lord our Provider
Jehovah Shalom ~ the Lord our Peace
Jehovah Rapha ~ the Lord our Healer
Rapha means to heal, to mend, make healthful, to make whole.
Jesus Christ came that I would be made whole. He came to heal me not only of my physical infirmities, but more importantly to make me alive in Him.
I will seek the Lord ~ to worship Him ~ even in these uncertainties and I will be blessed with knowing His presence.
