Ultimate Joy ~ He is Enough {Day 17}

May the Holy Spirit keep us humble—keep us at the foot of the Cross—

keep us flat on the promise,

resting on the eternal Rock and crying, “I am nothing Lord—nothing!

You are All in All.

I am all emptiness—come and fill me.

I am all nakedness—come and clothe me.

I am all weakness—come and glorify Your power, by making use of me!”                                                                             ~Spurgeon

I am feeling pretty weak these days; humbled, flat, laid right down low. 

There are days I really don't know how to function. I am paralyzed because of my anxious thoughts. I want to just celebrate the life I do have, but my own silly expectations of the mundane life hinder me. I can't seem to accomplish much of anything. 

All of the unknown days ahead make it hard to focus on the present day reality.

I keep thinking over what the cardiologist told me last week: that you should probably have surgery on your heart, and that normally this would be an easy decision, but in my case it is not. And I have to wait a week and a half, which seems like eternity away, to have the consult with the surgeon who will tell me what he can do with my heart.

Life is spinning like a slow motion merry-go-round and I'm the crying three year old that wants off but is too scared to do so. 

I cry for fear,

I cry for help,

I cry to be comforted. 

Fear has a way of sauntering in totally uninvited and settling in. And just when she does, it is then that God unexpectedly sends family and friends as a vivid reminder that I am not alone.

A friend told me last week that it is ok to taste the tears.

This is not easy and there is no use in pretending that it is. I need to be real even when that means there are going to be up and down days. 

And on the days that there are tears I get to be reminded of my own weakness and that God's power is what carries me.

Isaiah prophesied that the very thing that is the sinner's greatest fear ~ God's midst; his very presence  ~ is the very thing that when God graciously intervenes will become his ultimate joy.

His grace is poured out and I can, with joy, 

draw water from the wells of salvation!!

He will strengthen me. But even more, He will be glorified. 

That is the purpose in pain and suffering. And in knowing  the power of His resurrection I do get to share in the fellowship of His sufferings. And in the fellowship there will be peace. A peace that is beyond understanding.

You will say in that day:
“I will give thanks to you, O LORD,

for though you were angry with me,

your anger turned away,

that you might comfort me.

“Behold, God is my salvation;

I will trust, and will not be afraid;

for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,

and he has become my salvation.”

(Isaiah 12:1-2 ESV)

This is part of a series, linking up with Nester, for the month of October.

You will find the rest of the series, Write to Discover Yourself: My Story His Glory, here. 

It is a series of posts of sharing what I am learning in Ruth Vaughn’s book, 'Write to Discover Yourself'.