I Cried It Too: "Crucify Him" {Words of Life Wednesdays ~ A Link-up}

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"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

For one will scarcely die for a righteous person

—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners,

Christ died for us."

{Romans 5:6-8}

I can't deny that I've grown up seeking praise and looking for my identify in performance.

When training wheels were coming off and adult teeth where growing in I learned that hard work pays off.  So I studied diligently and made up my mind to do my best. Doing my best didn't alway get the results I wanted so I tried harder.

I looked forward to the days report card were sent home to be signed. The envelope would be ripped open to reveal a mixed bag of grades, but to boost my confidence I'd look to words of praise the teacher had neatly penned in cursive handwriting.

It's amazing how we let letters define us.

In high school, I walked along the halls lined with lockers and made my way to the round tables in the library and studied during lunch hour. Then I'd pour over books late into the night and would memorize everything because I didn't want to fail. I loved drama and the stage and getting into character and performing for an audience.  I was focused to find my name on the honour roll.

It's incredible how our names in print can impress us.

I went to youth group and committed to read my Bible every day because the youth leaders warned us that Satan won on the days we failed to spend time in the Word.

I went to Bible College and saturated myself in the Word and in my studies and set out to dig deeper in the Truth, learn how to use my life-manual to live in this world and prepare for the one I long for, and graduate at the top of the class. 

I never rebelled. I was a good girl.

It's outrageous how our good intentions can deceive us.

I played life safely. I responded to praise and despaired criticism. 

I worked for an organization that serves missionaries that go by faith into all the world to share the Good News to all the world.

I married the only man I ever dated.

I gave birth to three children and now home educate them.

I've ended up with a pretty nice life all packaged up with a cozy home, cute kids, a couple of vehicles, and caring family and friends.

It's easy to let all this define me.

The ugly reality is I refused to let others see the real me. I refused to see it myself.

I wouldn't go out without makeup ~ until my third child was born, and didn't have the choice some days to put it on.

I wouldn't have company in my home unless my house was vacuumed, dusted, and cleaned.

Performance and fear held me in their clutches.

I had decided how I wanted to be identified and worked to make this happen.

I had seen the need for a Saviour and I had repented. I wanted Him to be Lord of my life. But, I made my identity my own.

I failed to see myself for who I truly am. A sinner who screamed with the angry mob, filled with evil and hatred, "Crucify Him! Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" I was His enemy, after all.

It was my sin that he bore on the cross. But, it was His love that caused Him to be led as a lamb to be slaughtered.

Without question, He willingly took my sin, my shame and He cried out. "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing!"

How foolish to think that I need to protect my identity. It is nothing but Sinner.

But, when I look to the cross of Christ, I am given a new identity in Christ.

I lose myself in Him for I died with Him and the life I now live is His—I'm Saved by His life.

I change from one who is devoted to sin to one who is being saved from sin.

It's not just a prayer of an eight year old girl in Mrs. Grave's grade three classroom that changed my life forever.

It's not my performance that makes me worthy.

It's not my work that is deserves praise.

It's a daily looking with eyes of faith to the Person of Christ and the work He accomplished on the cross that sets me free from sin and self.

Letters may define us, names in print may impress us, good intentions may deceive us, but the Person of Christ is the only one who can save us.

Let's forget about letters and names and good intentions and fix our eyes on the Author and Finisher of our faith who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.

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*edited post from the past archives {Also linking with Coffee For Your Heart}

An InLinkz Link-up