Five Minute Friday: After

I can't seem to loosen the grip of the icy cold fingers of fear. Spring is in the air and I breath it in. But I choke on the remnants of winter.

My heart races. I arrive at the gym after lunch and my resting heart rate is 120 bpm. I knew it was beating fast. Yes, I have some medical issues, but this I'm sure is from stresses of life.

It may not seem like it on the outside, but on the inside I am a mess.

The pressure to get out of the house for the local music festival and make sure that my children remained quiet as clearly noted on the door of the auditorium as we entered it.

My son was to play a simple piece and he knew it well, but my nerves for him were still as active as my little pianist.

He played well and threw in his bow as he finished his song and all he cared about in the end was his certificate.

The following day we returned to the festival for my daughter and she too had these fingers of fear gripping her and she had a hard time even getting through the day as she knew she had to perform in the afternoon.

My heart thumped in my chest all day until it was all over and I was off on my own to recover. And I didn't even have to perform.

Why do I worry so much about how it will all turn out? Why do I let the stress of it get to me?

For what will it all matter after it is all done?

::

But this is a life-long struggle I deal with. Letting go of the besetting sins of fear and anxiety.

Oh, how I need to throw these aside. Cling to the cross that Jesus carried for me. Just as Simon carried the cross after Jesus, I too, need to pick up the cross, confess these sins that so easily entangle me.

We have not been promised a life without sorrow, but we are to pick up our cross after Jesus carried it out to Golgotha for me and live in the abundant life that He gives after the resurrection. For the way of the cross is that life does come after death.

*****

Reflecting and writing on the word prompt given here for Five Minute Friday at Lisa-Jo's place. 

This week the prompt is: After

Officially, the rules are:

1. Write for 5 minutes (A few weeks ago, I made this confession that I don't always exactly keep to the five minutes. )

2. Link up at Lisa-Jo's  and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community...