Jehovah was not in the wind. And after the wind, an earthquake: Jehovah was not in the earthquake.
And after the earthquake, a fire: Jehovah was not in the fire. And after the fire, a soft gentle voice. (1Kings 19:11-12)

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Monday, March 4, 2013

Daring to do the Impossible



I am going to throw on a pair of running shoes and head to a gym tomorrow for the first time in my life. I really have no idea what to expect. A part of me is curious, but a part of me wants to cancel the appointment. I really do not want to be assessed and evaluated and have a plan drawn up, but I know I need to.

For my health, for my family, for me.

I wonder how much good it will do.

The respirologist who referred me to the program told me months ago that it won't improve some things. Living with only one functioning lung is still going to present challenges, but he thinks that if I get into better shape then I should be able to get through my days a lot better. It sounded good to me at the time, months ago, when it was just a referral.

But, now I have to go and show them what I can do, or can't. They'll set me up with a program and I'll wish it'll be like magic and that I'll feel better, and get through my days better, and maybe, maybe, I'll even look the best I've ever looked. {a girl can dream, can't she?}

Admittedly, living with half of normal lung capacity has made some things difficult, some things impossible ~ or at least seem impossible. When you live believing the impossible you learn to limit what is possible. It is not easy to dare yourself to do the impossible.

I'd loved to be able to run for miles or run after my children without getting out of breath. I'd loved to be able walk up a hill without having to stop. I'd love to be able to stop telling my children that I am just not able to do something with them.

Maybe, I'd just love to accept what I can do and work on improving what seems impossible.

I know these next few months are going to put me to the test. I am going to have to face some facts and perhaps push harder or maybe just accept the way I am and just dream about running a marathon.


I know I need to run with perseverance this race set out before me.


I am just not sure what is more impossible: running a marathon or accepting me for who I am and daring to love myself for just what and whose I am: a masterpiece of God.


***
Taking the dare to love myself with others daring to do the same, here.

5 comments:

  1. You can do it! Going on your first day will be the hardest. I am so proud of you and how much you are willing to live your life to the fullest, obstacles and all. Praying for you!

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  2. I do know that when we step toward the impossible, God steps toward us with arms outstretched, ready to help. I know, because I experienced His love in this way. The journey is easier than we sometimes think.

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  3. From my experience (not that I've run a marathon LOL), it's harder to love yourself. Praying that you can see yourself as HE sees you, and that He provides you joy and benefits from your work-outs, too. (stopped over from Emily's IP today)

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  4. oh friend, good on you for taking those first steps. that's what loving yourself is. it's not an emotion. it's an action, and you're DOING IT. you're loving yourself. so proud of you.

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