Standing Still while Still Standing

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

“Don’t just do something, stand there.”

It’s a quote from Madeleine L’Engle’s book, ‘Two-Part Invention: The Story of Marriage’. She shares her joys and difficulties of her married life. She wrote the book during the time of her husband’s illness with cancer.

It’s funny that when health is not what it should be we feel that we should be able to ‘do something’.

A doctor told me just that very thing last week. She told me that she and her team want to be able to do something for me, but they can’t. My problems with my heart and lungs are mechanical and there is nothing that can be done to fix them at this point.

There are a few things I can do that can make life a bit easier, but they can’t do anything for me right now.

They tell me, once again that I am a special case, that I am unique, that I don’t fit into the normal in the medical world.

It’s a lonely place.

I want to be able to do something to make it all go away, but I just need to stand here in this place.

It’s knowing that God is Sovereign.

It’s simply amazing the peace we have that even though they can’t do anything its ok. Not that it is easy to hear that or even easy to life within the limitations.

It’s His amazing grace and the gifts that He gives.

It’s resting it that grace and giving thanks even though I don’t understand.

~ meals that have been lovingly made for us
~ Mom coming to watch the children while at appointments
~ an amazing day together with the man of my dreams
~ advanced medical care
~ wise doctors
~ calls from family to check in on how the appointments went
~ loving friends
~ children who miss me when I am not with them
~ clear roads for the two and half hour trip to the hospitals
~ homemade Chicken soup after a long day
~ that He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.