With a Russian accent, my nurse tells me to relax, to not be so tense. She is prepping me for an IV for a procedure I need. I had had to fast from liquids as well as solids so my body is dehydrated and my veins are not going to be an easy target. She gathers some warm blankets and wraps my arms up in them to get the blood flowing better.
I was in the hospital for a TEE, a procedure I had 10 years ago and it was not a pleasant experience at all. When this procedure is performed you are to be sedated enough you are not really aware of what is going on, but I was obviously not sedated enough and yanked the probe out of my throat and had a horrible memory of it.
I try to not be tense, but it clearly isn't working. My Russian nurse keeps talking to me; trying to distract me. I am not distracted. It is not that I am terrified of hospitals or pain, I just know what it is like to be poked multiple times.
I suggest she use a small needle as that is generally more successful for my veins, but she decides not to. She attempts to hit one of my better veins, but it collapses. She waits for a little while to see if she can dig for it. She pulls out.
She massages my arm, coaxing the veins to co-operate. Sympathetically, she asks me not to make her cry. I tell her 'I won't make you cry if you don't make me cry'. She tries again. This vein rolls; she missed. She pokes around. She waits and waits to see if she can get it. No. She pulls out again, feeling horrible and tells me she will go get her co-worker, an IV nurse.
We wait until the IV nurse comes in full of confidence. I ask her to use the smaller needle and she says, "Of course, that is what I usually do."
Good. I continue to pray. "Lord, please help her get it. I really shouldn't be this pathetic. Look what you endured for me, I should be able to handle some needles."
My husband is sitting in the corner, not really sure what he can do, watching helplessly. I look to him for reassurance.
The IV nurse gets ready, has her small needle and hits a valve! I wince in pain. Then she pulls out and it is as the needle comes out that I nearly hit the roof and yell. My first nurse comes rushing in to see what is going on and I can only feebly apologize. I assure them I can handle pain; I have gone through childbirth three times without any pain medication. I laugh at myself. My husband laughs with me at my dramatic outburst. I still feel I have to explain my outcry ~ it really did hurt.
I talk to myself ~ I must relax. I close my eyes. Breathe!
I am so tense now, I could cry!
I pray, finally, Lord please, wrap your arms around me. I need your presence; your peace.
The forth needle goes right in, no collapsing, no valves, and no pain.
The day before I had been praying and beseeching others to pray with me these prayers:
"Almighty God, who of Thine infinite wisdom hast ordained that I should live my life within these narrow bounds of time and circumstances, let me now go forth into the world with a brave and trustful heart. It has pleased Thee to withhold from me a perfect knowledge; therefore deny me not the grace of faith by which I may lay hold of things unseen. Thou has given me little power to mould things to my own desire; therefore use Thine own omnipotence to bring Thy desires to pass within me. Thou hast willed it that through labour and pain I should walk the upward way; be Thou then my fellow traveler as I go." (Diary of Private Prayer)
And then I went in and was sure I could handle this procedure on my own.
Why do I ask that He be my fellow traveler and then march on as though I have to go down this road on my own?
I need to surrender all to His loving care and rest in His peace.
The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God,which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
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