Don't Mess With My Hair {Words of Life Wednesdays}

{Join us below for Words of Life Wednesdays with a link-up of your post.

We'd love to hear how God's Word has been nourishing you.}

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself,
lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds."

{Hebrews 12:2:3}

"You have the nicest hair, Rebekah." A homeschool mom with her baby boy bouncing on her hip said to me at co-op the other week. "It's so beautiful."

I was floored at her gracious words as she trailed behind me as I stomped up the stairs. "You just made my day." I tossed my head right back and laughed in reply. I didn't know what to say after that and by then we had reached the landing so I left it with a meek and quiet thank you.

When you spend most moments of your days with your own three children and compliments to their Mama are not on the tips of their tongues, your ears don't grow accustomed to this kind of flattery. I am blessed with regular outbursts of, "You're the best mom" when they sink their teeth into fresh cinnamon rolls or I laugh crazy with them over their wild imaginings and stories and I tell funny tales of my own childhood. But, when you've already hung the medal around your own neck for 'worst mom of the year award' you can somehow let the best part roll right off their lips and believe it as a lie.

You can see why I was stopped short at her random compliment as we climbed the stairway.

The irony of it didn't go unnoticed by me either. I had to laugh at her comment. I had spent a total of 6 minutes drying my hair, 2 minutes and 30 seconds putting a hot curling iron through the layers, and 10 seconds with the hairspray bottle to hold it somewhat in place, before I ran out the door to art class.

Plus, I've had the same hair style for most of my life. It's not all that glamourous. I switch between long, straight and simple when I've had my three babies and all I have to do it wash it. And then I change it to long layers with gentle waves of curls when I have an extra 8 minutes and 40 seconds to put myself together for when this stay-at-home-educating Mama actually has to leave the house.

Ever since I had control of my own hairstyle, I've had long hair, and I've kept it long. I've splurged and put highlights in three times. Three times—that's it. Sorry gals, no fancy Beth Moore hair here. But, it's my glory. My security blanket. So please don't ask me to give my hair up.

Please don't make me have to walk that journey of baldness again.

I am all too familiar with the awful taste of fear of living it all over again. I know the horrid reality that it could return at any time and put an end to my days before I reach the promised life span or even worse before I have a chance to grow old in oneness with my love or see my beautiful children live what God has destined for them. I force myself to put a lid on those fears. I fight to keep these thoughts captive or I'd go crazy with borrowed trouble.

But, that same fear boils up and threatens to overflow every time I see or hear someone else living this nightmare. I feel their ache so deep. My heart cries for them in this place. At times, I can't bear to see how brave they are.

I want to scream, rant and rave, big and ugly, go away stupid cancer and leave us all alone. You have done enough damage to so many already. Pack your bags and never return. Give us a break.

Please let us keep our hair, our lungs, our glands, our breasts, our dignity, our children, our lives. Life is too hard already to have to live without these. Why do you mock us?

Why do we have to suffer like this at all?

Why?

And we break. We weep our way along this lonely road.

In the hallowed silence we hear the soft and gentle voice whisper to our broken souls.

In the heart and soul wrenching questioning comes the hope for the heart and soul.

Don't be afraid to ask why, but be sure to stick around for the answer.

In my broken heart, I know why there's this road of suffering. I pray to have faith to fully walk it.

It's in the privilege of suffering we know real joy. Joy blooms in the dark deep depths of suffering.

I've walked it. We can bow our heads and weep together. I know what cancer does. Believe me, I know. I know our journeys are all unique and it's a lonely road, but we have to remember He will never leave us.

We can remind each other that when we descend the dark lonely valley of pain and suffering we rise up to know new heights of joy.

When we know the painful sting of death, we live in the hope of the resurrection.

Yeah, we look for hope in finding a cure for cancer. But don't hold out for finding real hope in a cure.

Suffering will never end in this life because it's turning our despairing hearts to see the cross behind us and living hope before us.

We will only find real hope in a caring Creator who holds us and sustains us in the suffering because He suffered for us in our stead. The Man of Sorrows bore our sickness and carried our sorrows.

As we study the roadmap to suffering we know we will see him as He has gone before us and joins us in the journey. He cups us in the palm of His hand.

No matter our lonely road, our suffering, our bitter cup, He offers living hope. He swallowed the bitter cup whole and offers us the sweet victory.

He did more than shave his head to walk the desperate journey with us. He bowed His head and gave His life so we might walk with Him.

We'll look for Him in the suffering and we'll see the Saviour shining His radiant glory.

{Also linking with Coffee For Your Heart}

Hope in the Darkness: The Presence of the Light {Meditations of My Heart Mondays}

“In me there is darkness,

But with You there is light;

I am lonely, but You do not leave me;

I am feeble in heart, but with You there is help;

I am restless, but with You there is peace.

In me there is bitterness, but with You there is patience;

I do not understand Your ways,

But You know the way for me.”

“Lord Jesus Christ,

You were poor

And in distress, a captive and forsaken as I am.

You know all man’s troubles;

You abide with me

When all men fail me;

You remember and seek me;

It is Your will that I should know You

And turn to You.

Lord, I hear Your call and follow;

Help me.”

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison

Words of Wisdom for the Weekend ~ We will See Him on the Road to Suffering

"And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.

And Jesus said to them,“You will all fall away, for it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.’

But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee."

(Mark 14:26-28)

"If Jesus "will go before" his disciples from Galilee as he had gone before, then this is a call to follow him down the hard road of conflict, criticism, enmity, persecution, suffering and death and resurrection. So the passion story becomes a roadmap for all of Jesus' followers (who deny themselves and take up their crosses) whether Christians martyred in the first, or Christians bold in the twentieth, centuries. 

"Read this story, then, as a detailed itinerary of the disciple's life. 

"But hear in it as well the constant consolation—not only that he, in "going before us" is always near us, however hard the persecution; but also that we, in going his way to Galilee, will see him as he told you. The dearest comfort in this promise is that precisely by taking the Way of the Lord, we will meet the Lord himself. In suffering is he revealed! In the experience of our own crosses is he made manifest . . .  

"Be cross-bearers then. These are the truer followers.  

"From Galilee to Golgotha: first we study the map, the Passion; and then—actually travelling the passionate path ourselves, "going" even as we were called—we will see him too, just as he promised we would."

"Master,

Grant me, in the study of your story, both love and faith. Love will make me attentive to all you do. Faith will make me bold to follow you. I beg to see you, O my Saviour! Amen"

~Walter Wangerin Jr., Reliving the Passion

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{Email subscribers, I welcome you to come over and listen to this beautiful hymn,
 "In the Valley" by Sovereign Grace}

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{Words for Wisdom for the Weekend: These are words that I have been challenged or encouraged by that I have read throughout my week that I kept pondering; words that I couldn't get off my mind and heart throughout my week. 

For other Words of Wisdom for the Weekend posts see here.}

Five Minute Friday: Willing

The keypad is cold beneath my wrists as I fumble over my own fingers. I am not brave word warrior. I am a broken soul looking for beauty and meaning in this bloody mess.

It's crazy to bleed yourself, your heart, your story. It's all about this laying down, and letting go, and a love that drips. Mere bandages won't do. Stopping the flow is not the solution. It's trusting that what is offered is held as sweet aroma to the One who willingly suffered.

The hum of my heart beats loud as it bleeds and how it's heard I don't know. Sometimes it's stabbed and ripped apart carelessly. Isn't that what we do to one another?

It's the way of this world that lusts after success and craves to be seen. The desire to feel important is so desperate we step on the precious stories of fragile souls. We dig up the dirt to reveal the ugliness of the manure that inevitablely is mixed in with the rich earth allowing beautiful things to bloom.

And the beauty fades. Death creeps up and chokes the life. Dare we offer words when they may only be trampled on and tossed aside like dung.

We bleed, we ache, we taste the cold criticism and feel the lonely ache. Why press on when it hurts?

We are willing to bleed that others will know they are not alone. We bare our hearts that others will know that in the ugliness there is hope. We don't even know all our own dirt that lies deep. It's too dark to see. But, we believe that bleeding brings healing. Life conquers death.

When we pour out from our broken hearts we see our own brokenness first. We know we risk to be really known. We understand that we may be misunderstood. We lay our words down that love may heal wounds.

There is hope. The Word came and took on flesh that He might bleed. His heart was shattered. He was willing to feel the cold death that I deserved. He knew the suffering required of Him to offer hope. His story changed history. His death brought life.

You have to be willing to bleed to taste the sting of cold death and offer living hope.

***

Linking with Five Minute Friday at Lisa-Jo's place. This week the prompt is: Willing

Officially, the rules are:

1. Write for 5 minutes
2. Link up at Lisa-Jo's  and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community...

Get Your Own Juice! {Titus 2 Tips Thursdays: A Guest Post}

As a parent of preschoolers, it’s so easy to lose track of prioritizing your marriage. As you pour your physical energy out on your little ones, it’s difficult to spare a generous thought for your husband. After all, he can get his own juice!

I have been there. What you really need right now is a 45 minute nap, the chance to have a shower without asking the permission of a 9-month old, and the opportunity to use the washroom BY YOURSELF. I am not adding another “should” to your list. It’s already nagging in the back of your mind, anyway. Here are some practical tips to help you in this challenging season of life.

1. Don’t forget Daddy. 

He is actually ahead of the children in terms of priority. It’s so easy to become totally child-centred in our culture. Include the children (we had 4 in 6 years) in preparations for Daddy’s arrival home. We would quickly tidy and anticipate his arrival, showering love on him when he got home. Or, if I had to go to work, having supper in the crock pot helped to make things less chaotic.

All the resources say that a weekly date night is a must for couples. We did not find that very realistic with four little ones, a very limited budget, and lack of babysitters! One thing we did instead was “in-house” dating, which involved Daddy and I having a special dessert together at the kitchen table either when the children were in bed, or after supper. It isn’t wrong to tell the children that this is Mommy and Daddy’s special time and to encourage them to occupy themselves (safely) in the next room. That could even be a good time to allow a wholesome video to entertain them. Children need to learn healthy boundaries and so do we!

2. Understand that Daddy is different.

It’s easy in the first months, especially if you are breastfeeding, to assume sole knowledge and responsibility for your little one. Most men have not had the same amount of babysitting and childcare experience as most women. So what if he chooses the football hold for your baby instead of cradling her in the crook of his arm? As long as the head and neck are supported, does it really matter? Maybe he gets her all wound with playing right before supper. (My husband still does this and our children are aged 11-17. All I ask is that they take it to another room now). Take advantage of the free time to get the meal on the table. Guys need to grow in their confidence and competence too. I recommend leaving the baby with them for short times, even if just for a walk to the mailbox or a quick errand. You need to clear your head and have a break, and he needs a chance to hone his fathering. He might have solutions to problems you can’t solve.

3. Speak his language.

With sleep-deprivation, hormones and the never-ending tasks you face, you have a strong need to be understood. Perhaps you, like me, never really needed help before and now you do. He can’t read your mind and doesn’t necessarily understand what you are going through. Some guys see tears and can’t absorb what you say. It helped us for me to write down my thoughts and present them to him rationally on paper without my emotions blurring the issues. It also helped to speak his language. For a long time he didn’t understand how I could be so tired all the time. He is very mathematical, so one day in a moment of clarity I calculated approximately how many hours of sleep I had lost in the past few years since we had become parents. I explained to him that if I were to make catching up on sleep a full-time day job, it would take me two years to recoup what I had lost. He got it! One of my friends told her husband, who built staircases, that her work at home with the little ones was like building a staircase and then at the end of each day someone came along to dismantle it. A picture paints a thousand words.

4. Spend time with friends! 

Putting all of your social and companionship eggs into the basket of your husband is a recipe for disaster. You are both drained right now and you need someone else to give perspective, share your struggles, and build you up. No one person can meet all your relational needs, although only one can meet your marriage needs. Find friends that share your priorities and who value respectfulness to husbands. One of my friends and I had an agreement that, while we occasionally vented about marriage struggles, we would continue to respect our husbands. Our phrase was “it doesn’t go on their permanent record.” She was a great example of prioritizing caring for her husband during the toddler years. Join a Moms and Tots group and you can socialize while the children play (and steal toys from each other).

Loving your husband is the best thing you can do for your family in this season of life. You aren’t sacrificing the care of your children by prioritizing him. On the contrary, you, your marriage and your children will be blessed as you do.

Rowan has been married to Chris for twenty years and together they have four children aged 11-18. They serve at Pinewoods Chapel, where Rowan leads the women's ministry and teaches Sunday School. Rowan has a degree in History and Physical & Health Education which she uses to educate her children, and she loves to encourage and equip ladies through speaking at women's events. She runs a business and in her free time enjoys playing soccer, reading and spending time with friends. Check out more of Rowan's thoughts on her blog rowanspeaks.wordpress.com (if you like this post, you may enjoy "Teaching young children about God") and website.

Titus 2 Tips I am honoured to host these guest posts in this series on women mentoring women.   Some weeks you may find tips from the kitchen or healthy recipes, tools other women have used to grow spiritually, hints to help us build up and love our husbands, and lessons they have learned as they have walked along with their children to teach them to love God wholeheartedly, habits they have developed in keeping their home, ways they have worked on to keep their behaviour respectful, or rhythms that allow peace and rest in the home and hearts that dwell there within. You will find all the posts in the series here. "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." {Titus 2:3-5}

When You Really Need To Feast For the Next Forty Days {Words of Life Wednesdays~A Link-up}

{Join us below for Words of Life Wednesdays with a link-up of your post.

We'd love to hear how God's Word has been nourishing you.}

"Now I would remind you, brothers [and sisters], of the gospel I preached to you, 

which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, 

if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain."

What if it's not fasting we need?

What if it really is feasting?

It's a minor thing, at first glance it is merely a vowel, but it could make all the difference.

Many are giving up something starting today. This day is recognized as the first day of Lent, which literally means 'forty'. So for the next forty days people will deny themselves of something. Things like chocolate, coffee, bread, meat. Some will get really creative and give up things other than food. My daughter thought it would be a good idea to give up snow this year. I told her she wouldn't be able to go skiing and she re-considered.

Honestly, I have to tell you, I've never practiced Lent. I've never been involved in a liturgical church and it was not part of my upbringing. I'm not here to tell you to participate in the observance or not. I don't know your heart in the matter.

I do know that I need to feast. Maybe, you do too?

What if for the next forty days instead of fasting from luxuries, we feasted on the grace of the life-giving Gospel?

It's not just stuff we need to give up for forty days, but our selves we need to give away everyday.

We are a people that crave acceptance, affirmation and purpose. We want to feel like we are doing something to improve ourselves. We think knowledge will fix all the problems. We desire to end poverty and at the same time live in absolute luxury. We work hard to pay for stuff forgetting it's the poor in spirit who is truly blessed and will receive the kingdom of heaven. Those who feast on the Gospel receive eternal glory.

But, we've made our own rules. We've made ourselves gods. With no need for God.

To admit that we cannot fix ourselves in completely humbling. And that's the tipping point.

The call on the Christian is complete surrender. Not just giving up parts of your life. But, your whole life. To see that you are a sinner and there is nothing you can do to overcome that sin on your own, in your own power or by your own will.

Nothing.  Not today, not for the next forty days, not ever.

It's all grace. We're talking about the Good News. It is truly amazing.

"Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures . . . he was buried . . . 

he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures"

Christ already paid the penalty for sin. By faith, and faith alone, we receive new life.

So for the next forty days, why don't we gather around and feast of the glorious grace of the Gospel?

Get down on our knees, dig deeper into His Word, and grow in His love.

We will sit at His feet, abide in Him, and rest in His embrace.

We don't just have to give up something, but we give Him everything.

Let's feast on His grace, hold fast to the Gospel, turn from our own ways and give of our selves.

At the Last Supper, Jesus took the break, gave thanks, and gave it away. His body was given for us. His blood was poured out for us. When we've feasted, we are filled to pour forth and share the glorious Good News of the body broken and the blood spilt and we spend our lives giving away our selves. All to the praise of His glory.

Let's see how that prepares us for Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday and every day of our lives for all of eternity.

"Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, 

but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

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Would you join us in the comments if your heart's desire is to feast on the Gospel for the next forty days. Let's hold fast to and remind ourselves of the Gospel that we have heard and believed.

also linking with (Coffee For Your Heart)

Welcome Suffering When You Desire Super Power {Meditation of My Heart Mondays}

You can call it crazy. I prefer to call it curious.

While anticipating the birth of my firstborn I was eager to fully know what it would be like to deliver the living, growing child within my womb. I was determined to not have any pain-relieving medication during this agonizingly rip-roaring miracle. I wanted as natural a childbirth as possible and, besides, I have a strong dislike for needles.

Here's the curious thing: I wanted to know how painful childbirth really is. I wanted to go through the whole labour and deliver and experience the excruciating pain and the exhilarating joy.

Yeah, you could say crazy.

The stranger thing is when I was pregnant with my second, I was fully aware of the kind of pain that was ahead of me, but I still wanted to know if it would be just as intense as the first time. By the time I was swollen with my third child, you would think I would not need to wonder any longer, but my curiosity got the better of me. For the third time, I knew the multiplied pain in all its original curse.

I consider that bearing and bringing forth a child is a privilege and a blessing. By doing it without any pain management medication, I was enabled to feel the full extent of the power within to bring forth life. It really was an exhilarating kind of pain and I found out it's true when they say you will forget the pain (may I add, momentarily) when you know the exciting joy of new life.

We are afraid of pain and suffering. If we can avoid it, we will. And I'm not talking about the punishment of pain in childbirth now, but all suffering we endure for the sake of Christ.

What if we were crazy enough to embrace suffering for the sake of Christ?

I've always been struck with Paul's longing that he expressed in his letter that he penned while suffering in prison.

"that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."

His goal and aim in life was to know Christ in an intimate and personal relationship. The great apostle knew that to know the power of new life, he would have to taste suffering and become like Christ in His death. 

Paul knew it's the one who suffers much that experiences the all-sufficient grace of God.

In suffering we will experience the exhilarating joy of God's power at work in us.

In the storms of life we will see the lighthouse that stands firm.

In pain our purpose is made clear.

A life without suffering lacks the need to look unto Jesus, the One "who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame" and was raised to heights of Glory at the right hand of the throne of God.

Resist suffering and you resist seeing God's powerful hand at work in your life.

Gratefully accept the thorns, the tremulous times, the troubles, and trials and God's power will rest upon those who gladly boast in their weakness.

Suffer for Christ sake and you will know a Power that brings forth new life.

Cause we're not just talking about crazy or curious perceptions in life, but the whole purpose of your life.

Dare I say, 'bring on the pain'?

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Are you willing to share in the suffering to know Christ? Share in the comments how you endure suffering for the sake of Christ?